Wednesday, March 6, 2013

My Job

Yesterday was a tough one.  Baby Girl was not her usual cheery self and we were at odds...all day long.  I found myself losing my temper with her and getting so frustrated and angry.  She cried the whole way home from school and I turned up the radio and ignored her.  I thought that was better than losing my temper.  Was it?
After I finally got her down for the night and had an hour's worth of chores ahead of me, I just wanted to cry.  Instead, I took a bath and a break.  Then, the guilt started.  What if something happened to her in her sleep tonight and this was our last day together?  Would I ever forgive myself?  Probably not.  I spent a little extra time checking on her before I went to bed.  Looking at her sweet face.  Smelling her sweet smell.  She still looks like a baby when she's sound asleep, sucking on her paci, holding onto her lovey (Pup Pups).  I just wanted to scoop her up and rock her for hours.  
I have to remember that she's only 2 and we will have rough days every now and then.  I hope we have  a better day tomorrow.  She's so smart and picks up on everything.  I hope she knows how much I love her.  I hope she forgives me for getting frustrated with her.  I hope she trusts that I'm trying to be the best mom I can possibly be.  
Some of my friends without kids ask me what I do all day long and say that they would be bored out of their mind being a stay at home mom.  My answer is that I'm doing my best trying to teach my baby how to be a good person.  I'm never bored, but often lonely.  Sometimes it looks like I haven't done anything all day long, yet I'm exhausted beyond belief.  I love my child but there are days when I don't love my job.  Nobody ever loves their job 100% of the time.  This is no different.  But, I wouldn't change it for the world.  This is the job I was waiting for my whole life.  

p.s.  Why do I drink Baby Mama Juice?  Because I felt so awkward yesterday.  I was invited to an event at a local beauty store for a free mini-facial and make-over.  The facial was great and I'm always up for someone making up my face.  I felt pressured into buying a super expensive product, but they made me feel guilty for not buying more.  After I finally got out of the store, I started to wonder if I should have tipped them.  What is good etiquette?  Ugh.  I hate that feeling of second guessing myself.  What would you have done? 

6 comments:

  1. I had a rough day yesterday too. Sterling had a tantrum every store we went too and I most def lost my temper and got very angry. Its hard being a parent. Everyone has days like that and yes it is a hard ass job. I never know about tipping I am the worst about that!

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  2. Girl! You are NORMAL!! I had a rough day Monday. I seriously had vodka at 3:30pm! It is okay to ignore-I do it!! Xo

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  3. I just want I say I love your wording about this! With a nine-month old who is a finicky napper some days are better than others, and you are not alone. Love your blog!

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  4. I know exactly how you feel! I work and Mason is in daycare. So the precious time I do have with him, I feel so guilty when I get angry or lose my cool. That Mommy Guilt is a ugly thing, isn't it? And the hubs doesn't get it....apparently Daddy Guilt doesn't exist.

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  5. I always tell myself that today is another day, so let go of the emotions from yesterday. Easier said than done, especially when it comes to our kiddos. I have your same philosophy about being a stay-at-home mom. Too bad we don't live closer to each other. I am not a good tipper, but since you were invited and you bought product, I would lean towards "no tip." Hope today brings you nothing but smiles and laughter and no second guessing.

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  6. You make me so happy! I loved this post, we have a bad at-least twice a week! And no you shouldn't have tipped!!!

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